Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Best GLBTQ Youtube Video of the Year
This video says it all. There are gay people in every industry, every walk of life, accomplishing and contributing. It's great to be gay and getting married!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Making it "Official"
A wedding ceremony is a wedding ceremony, but gay couples have the extra hurdle of, depending on which state or country they have their ceremony, it not being legally recognized. For some, this is meaningless and can be ignored. For others, like myself, it is an issue they want to address. I will leave the point of acknowledging (or not) during the ceremony the legal aspect of marriage to another post. For now, here are some ideas on making your wedding ceremony "official."
1. Have an officiant.
Your wedding can be (almost) anything you want--from a meditation circle with no designated leader or officiant to a church wedding with a Pastor following a traditional ceremony flow. It is most important to do what feels right to you. For me, I think having an officiant helps your community (and yourself) feel that the ceremony is official; and not that it is just another party you and your partner are hosting or a we-love-mother-earth gathering. An officiant can hold the space of a leader in your community who gives the union his/her seal. Still, remember that there is flexibility--the officiant can be a religious leader, family member, community leader, judge, friend, the list goes on and on.
2. Sign a wedding contract.
In the Jewish tradition, the couple signs a "Ketubah," a wedding contract. This is traditionally done before the actual wedding ceremony in the Rabbi's office or other room with just the couple, the Rabbi, and perhaps the couple's immediate family. However, there is no requirement to follow these traditional steps. My partner and I will likely sign our Ketubah during our wedding ceremony. The Ketubah is often seen as the couple's most significant sign of their commitment to marriage. What I think is wonderful about this tradition is that it (1) is a legally binding contract that may hold the weight of law; (2) they are absolutely gorgeous and can be framed and hung up in your home afterwards; and (3) give gay couples the opportunity to sign a marriage document much like they would if they were a straight couple. This is a tradition my partner and I will definitely be doing!
3. Sign whatever documents your place of residence and/or ceremony site allows.
It may not be a marriage license, but you can sign a domestic partnership or civil union agreement. Check with the state (usually City Hall) or country where you are having your ceremony and, if not the same place, your place of residence. The map below is from Wikipedia, so no promises it is totally correct--plus, these things seem to change constantly, but it may give you a starting point. Also, click here for HRC's sample domestic partnership agreement, but note that just because you sign it does not mean that it will be legally recognized ("valid" in legal jargon) in your state or country.
Laws regarding same-sex partnerships in the United States
1May include recent laws or court decisions which have created legal recognition of same-sex relationships, but which have not entered into effect yet.
4. Have your guests confirm their support of your marriage.
This is a powerful way of having your guests exemplify their approval and support of your marriage. What matters most is your community--so why not have the people who form your community attest that, regardless of what any government says, they support your marriage? This can also allow your guests to fully recognize that you do not have the same legal benefits as straight couples. But it also empowers them to formally show their support.
1. Have an officiant.
Your wedding can be (almost) anything you want--from a meditation circle with no designated leader or officiant to a church wedding with a Pastor following a traditional ceremony flow. It is most important to do what feels right to you. For me, I think having an officiant helps your community (and yourself) feel that the ceremony is official; and not that it is just another party you and your partner are hosting or a we-love-mother-earth gathering. An officiant can hold the space of a leader in your community who gives the union his/her seal. Still, remember that there is flexibility--the officiant can be a religious leader, family member, community leader, judge, friend, the list goes on and on.
2. Sign a wedding contract.
In the Jewish tradition, the couple signs a "Ketubah," a wedding contract. This is traditionally done before the actual wedding ceremony in the Rabbi's office or other room with just the couple, the Rabbi, and perhaps the couple's immediate family. However, there is no requirement to follow these traditional steps. My partner and I will likely sign our Ketubah during our wedding ceremony. The Ketubah is often seen as the couple's most significant sign of their commitment to marriage. What I think is wonderful about this tradition is that it (1) is a legally binding contract that may hold the weight of law; (2) they are absolutely gorgeous and can be framed and hung up in your home afterwards; and (3) give gay couples the opportunity to sign a marriage document much like they would if they were a straight couple. This is a tradition my partner and I will definitely be doing!
3. Sign whatever documents your place of residence and/or ceremony site allows.
It may not be a marriage license, but you can sign a domestic partnership or civil union agreement. Check with the state (usually City Hall) or country where you are having your ceremony and, if not the same place, your place of residence. The map below is from Wikipedia, so no promises it is totally correct--plus, these things seem to change constantly, but it may give you a starting point. Also, click here for HRC's sample domestic partnership agreement, but note that just because you sign it does not mean that it will be legally recognized ("valid" in legal jargon) in your state or country.
Same-sex marriage1
Unions granting rights similar to marriage1
Legislation granting limited/enumerated rights1
Same-sex marriages performed elsewhere recognized1
No specific prohibition or recognition of same-sex marriages or unions
Statute bans same-sex marriage
Constitution bans same-sex marriage
Constitution bans same-sex marriage and some or all other kinds of same-sex unions
1May include recent laws or court decisions which have created legal recognition of same-sex relationships, but which have not entered into effect yet.
4. Have your guests confirm their support of your marriage.
This is a powerful way of having your guests exemplify their approval and support of your marriage. What matters most is your community--so why not have the people who form your community attest that, regardless of what any government says, they support your marriage? This can also allow your guests to fully recognize that you do not have the same legal benefits as straight couples. But it also empowers them to formally show their support.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Top 5 Most Amazing Things About Same Sex Weddings
5. Love is great.
4. Two more people in this world committing to support each other through the rough spots.
3. Two more people in this world committing to celebrate
happiness.
2. The clothes! The flowers! The food! The friends! The family! The joy! The party!
1. This wedding is not about tax benefits, immigration assistance, appeasing society or family, or needing a shotgun wedding (no unplanned buns in the oven!). It's about two people who love each other so very much that they will create their own ceremony in a culture that does not provide a plethora of magazines (What?! No Martha Stewart Gay Wedding magazine yet?!), TV shows (No Bachelor with eager gay men waiting to sweep him off his feet?!), and role models (okay, I will give you Ellen, but she ain't no plethora) to follow after.
4. Two more people in this world committing to support each other through the rough spots.
3. Two more people in this world committing to celebratehappiness.
2. The clothes! The flowers! The food! The friends! The family! The joy! The party!
1. This wedding is not about tax benefits, immigration assistance, appeasing society or family, or needing a shotgun wedding (no unplanned buns in the oven!). It's about two people who love each other so very much that they will create their own ceremony in a culture that does not provide a plethora of magazines (What?! No Martha Stewart Gay Wedding magazine yet?!), TV shows (No Bachelor with eager gay men waiting to sweep him off his feet?!), and role models (okay, I will give you Ellen, but she ain't no plethora) to follow after.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Warning: Weddings are Not for Everyone
Coffee customer: "Cool ring. Are you engaged?"
Barista: "I think weddings are icky. Why should I need to try so hard to prove to everyone I like my boyfriend? I mean, I call him my boyfriend. By definition we like each other enough and that should be enough for everyone."
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Top 5 Most Annoying Responses to a Same-Sex Wedding
5. Wow. How totally crazy and out there! That's really something interesting. I had a terrible divorce from my husband and it almost made me play for the other team, but you all did it. I never did. SO wild. Really wild. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....
4. [Silence, squinting brows, slowly opening mouth, slowly closing mouth] "Uhhh, mmm-kay." [Continue squinting and silent nodding]
3.Wait. I don't get it. So you're like best friends doing this together? Like a dual wedding? And your boyfriends are okay with that? Wow. Fascinating.
2. So who's the bride? Great! But, what are you?
1. Ew. [Ignoring, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring...]
4. [Silence, squinting brows, slowly opening mouth, slowly closing mouth] "Uhhh, mmm-kay." [Continue squinting and silent nodding]2. So who's the bride? Great! But, what are you?
1. Ew. [Ignoring, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring...]
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Cake Toppers
Oh yes, an important decision, not so easy for the non-heteros of us out there in the world. These are the choices I see for answering this question:
(1) no cake topper -- you can always try flowers or screw the cake and get cupcakes!
(2) Monogram -- this seems to work if you are going with just one last name and therefore one initial. If not, it gets a little tricky and I'm not sure you want your monogram to be falling off the cake as it is too top-heavy ;)
(3) Same-sex toppers -- for the "traditional"
or customize your own bobbleheads! Here's a site I found (note: They don't have any same-sex couples, but you can customize your own)
(4) Some other meaningful object -- it can even fit with your invitations and/or save the dates
(5) Or something really gay?
(1) no cake topper -- you can always try flowers or screw the cake and get cupcakes!
(2) Monogram -- this seems to work if you are going with just one last name and therefore one initial. If not, it gets a little tricky and I'm not sure you want your monogram to be falling off the cake as it is too top-heavy ;)
 |
| Now that's just plain cute |
(3) Same-sex toppers -- for the "traditional"
 |
| The Biker Brides |
 |
| The 007 Grooms |
 |
| The Girlie Brides |
 | |||
| Don't forget Fido! |
(4) Some other meaningful object -- it can even fit with your invitations and/or save the dates
 |
| Double happiness |
(5) Or something really gay?
 |
| Yep, if they weren't sure you were gay, they'll know when they see this cake |
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Is it Important to have a Civil Ceremony (or in the hetero world, a "real" wedding)?
This question has plagued me for some time. My answer to it is only 80% clear (not bad for an intellectualizing type like myself) ;)
As it stands, we are planning both a civil ceremony and a wedding (i.e. our own ceremony and reception, but in the states with no legal recognition).
So why the civil ceremony? Well, my partner and I are both in the legal-field, so the law means something to us. Even if we can't be legally wed in our state, we want to have it all--that means a legal ceremony wherever we can get it. Our choice: Vancouver, B.C., Canada. Good, eh?
So why the wedding? Because we shouldn't let the law keep us from living the lives we want. Just because your mom told you not to jump in the pool right after eating doesn't mean you need to listen. Our government can (and is at times) stupid, hurtful, and cruel. The US stance on gay marriage (and the treatment of GLBTQI people in general) is an example of this cruelty. I choose love in the shape that it came to me--a smart, kind, funny, loving, interesting, dynamic, inspiring woman. My wedding is to proclaim my love and commitment to this amazing person and to ask my community for their support in our journey.
As it stands, we are planning both a civil ceremony and a wedding (i.e. our own ceremony and reception, but in the states with no legal recognition).
So why the civil ceremony? Well, my partner and I are both in the legal-field, so the law means something to us. Even if we can't be legally wed in our state, we want to have it all--that means a legal ceremony wherever we can get it. Our choice: Vancouver, B.C., Canada. Good, eh?
So why the wedding? Because we shouldn't let the law keep us from living the lives we want. Just because your mom told you not to jump in the pool right after eating doesn't mean you need to listen. Our government can (and is at times) stupid, hurtful, and cruel. The US stance on gay marriage (and the treatment of GLBTQI people in general) is an example of this cruelty. I choose love in the shape that it came to me--a smart, kind, funny, loving, interesting, dynamic, inspiring woman. My wedding is to proclaim my love and commitment to this amazing person and to ask my community for their support in our journey.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Proposal
This is an area where I am certain that gays simply have more fun (at least I did!)
I decided to propose to my partner after being together for five years. The most important thing to me was the date because I have always had a strong connection to numbers (maybe it's the Jew in me?). So I proposed on 08.08.08 and called it, Infinity Day. Being the externally more feminine ("femme") one in the relationship, I actually felt it was especially romantic to be the one to propose.
I chose to do it on the beach with a hundred pieces of paper tied with ribbon to a tree. Each paper said something I hoped for us for the future.
"To laughing endlessly at our bad jokes" "To having a family" "To always being patient"
I told her we were going on a walk on the beach. She had no idea what was happening when she saw the tree...in fact, she thought we had just walked into someone elses wedding proposal! When she turned to me to say, "We gotta get out of here! I think someone is proposing here or something!" and saw the tears in my eyes, she started to get the idea. Then I said, "it's you that's going to be proposed to." :*) Still makes me get teary just thinking about what a wonderful day it was.
So, now for explaining why gays have more fun with proposals...because we think to do it twice! Once I had proposed to my girlfriend, I told her I wanted to be proposed to too! See why you're happy that you're not dating me??? :)
She waited 10 days and proposed to me by taking me out to our favorite restaurant where the dessert came saying, "Happy Infinity Day." Then, up to the top of a mountain we went. It was a beautiful foggy day. She let a ring of candles around us and as she whispered sweet nothings, I found myself crying tears of happiness once more.
This is all to say, remember you can both propose and both be proposed to so enjoy being outside of the box.
xo,
Lolly
I decided to propose to my partner after being together for five years. The most important thing to me was the date because I have always had a strong connection to numbers (maybe it's the Jew in me?). So I proposed on 08.08.08 and called it, Infinity Day. Being the externally more feminine ("femme") one in the relationship, I actually felt it was especially romantic to be the one to propose.
I chose to do it on the beach with a hundred pieces of paper tied with ribbon to a tree. Each paper said something I hoped for us for the future.
"To laughing endlessly at our bad jokes" "To having a family" "To always being patient"
I told her we were going on a walk on the beach. She had no idea what was happening when she saw the tree...in fact, she thought we had just walked into someone elses wedding proposal! When she turned to me to say, "We gotta get out of here! I think someone is proposing here or something!" and saw the tears in my eyes, she started to get the idea. Then I said, "it's you that's going to be proposed to." :*) Still makes me get teary just thinking about what a wonderful day it was.
So, now for explaining why gays have more fun with proposals...because we think to do it twice! Once I had proposed to my girlfriend, I told her I wanted to be proposed to too! See why you're happy that you're not dating me??? :)
She waited 10 days and proposed to me by taking me out to our favorite restaurant where the dessert came saying, "Happy Infinity Day." Then, up to the top of a mountain we went. It was a beautiful foggy day. She let a ring of candles around us and as she whispered sweet nothings, I found myself crying tears of happiness once more.
This is all to say, remember you can both propose and both be proposed to so enjoy being outside of the box.
xo,
Lolly
Friday, November 5, 2010
So Long "Intimate" Wedding....or does it have to be gone?
When we first started planning our wedding I thought we'd have 60 guests. My partner said 75. My family is small...very small...like 10 people small. My relatives live abroad and I think 2 will show. My partner on the other hand has the family from the movies...big...very big...like 50 people.
Still, I knew when I proposed that, unless we only invited immediate family, this was not going to be a small soiree. What I didn't realize was that after her mom had the invitation list, it would jump to 230 people. Say what?!?! Nope, that's no type. two-hundred-and-thirty people! After much thinking, we decided we were okay with this massive jump in numbers. First, there's something about feeling like especially being a same-sex couple, the more the merrier. In other words, being gay has sometimes felt isolating to me. Christmas party where Grandma always announced the latest and greatest tales of her grandchildren always makes me nervous...because our relationship is never an announcement. Introductions...will I be the roommate or the girlfriend? You get the idea. The bottom line for me is that if my future mother-in-law wants 150+ people to know her daughter is gay and marrying me, then bring it on! My hope for our future is that I wont have to feel nervous at Christmas parties and introductions...at least not as nervous...because there's a good chance they were at my wedding!
Still, I want to create an intimate feeling for my (very small) family. I'm still working on ideas for how to do this, but here are some starter ideas:
(1) have a smaller family "ceremony" where we talk to each member in our family and share a personal story and thanks.
(2) have a civil ceremony that's only immediate family.
(3) have a head table at the reception...even if some people say it's old-fashioned
Any other ideas?
Still, I knew when I proposed that, unless we only invited immediate family, this was not going to be a small soiree. What I didn't realize was that after her mom had the invitation list, it would jump to 230 people. Say what?!?! Nope, that's no type. two-hundred-and-thirty people! After much thinking, we decided we were okay with this massive jump in numbers. First, there's something about feeling like especially being a same-sex couple, the more the merrier. In other words, being gay has sometimes felt isolating to me. Christmas party where Grandma always announced the latest and greatest tales of her grandchildren always makes me nervous...because our relationship is never an announcement. Introductions...will I be the roommate or the girlfriend? You get the idea. The bottom line for me is that if my future mother-in-law wants 150+ people to know her daughter is gay and marrying me, then bring it on! My hope for our future is that I wont have to feel nervous at Christmas parties and introductions...at least not as nervous...because there's a good chance they were at my wedding!
Still, I want to create an intimate feeling for my (very small) family. I'm still working on ideas for how to do this, but here are some starter ideas:
(1) have a smaller family "ceremony" where we talk to each member in our family and share a personal story and thanks.
(2) have a civil ceremony that's only immediate family.
(3) have a head table at the reception...even if some people say it's old-fashioned
Any other ideas?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Disclaimer (gotta have one for a blog like this, peeps!)
Anything said in this blog really applies to everyone, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. BUT, let's not lie, there is something about being gay that brings up a lot of questions in every step of the life(wedding) process.
That brings me to my second point: I'll use the terms "gay" and "wedding" in this blog because that's what I use in reference to myself and the ceremony my partner and I will be having. I don't use these terms to be exclusive, but rather because typing out QGLBTQI every time just gets a bit old and funny looking. So here are my definitions:
gay = any person who doesn't feel ze/she/he fits into the heterosexual box that society has created.
wedding = any ceremony, planned moment, or commitment for a couple to express their love and blah blah blah
That brings me to my second point: I'll use the terms "gay" and "wedding" in this blog because that's what I use in reference to myself and the ceremony my partner and I will be having. I don't use these terms to be exclusive, but rather because typing out QGLBTQI every time just gets a bit old and funny looking. So here are my definitions:
gay = any person who doesn't feel ze/she/he fits into the heterosexual box that society has created.
wedding = any ceremony, planned moment, or commitment for a couple to express their love and blah blah blah
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
It's About Time!
There are two reasons I'm starting this blog:
(1) I'm getting married! (okay, that one was probably fairly obvious); and
(2) There is simply not enough information and examples out there for same-sex couples
I hope you enjoy this site as a safe and cozy space to go, away from the hetero-normative world of weddings out there in our lives and world wide web.
(1) I'm getting married! (okay, that one was probably fairly obvious); and
(2) There is simply not enough information and examples out there for same-sex couples
I hope you enjoy this site as a safe and cozy space to go, away from the hetero-normative world of weddings out there in our lives and world wide web.
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