Is it Important to have a Civil Ceremony (or in the hetero world, a "real" wedding)?

This question has plagued me for some time. My answer to it is only 80% clear (not bad for an intellectualizing type like myself) ;)

As it stands, we are planning both a civil ceremony and a wedding (i.e. our own ceremony and reception, but in the states with no legal recognition).

So why the civil ceremony? Well, my partner and I are both in the legal-field, so the law means something to us. Even if we can't be legally wed in our state, we want to have it all--that means a legal ceremony wherever we can get it. Our choice: Vancouver, B.C., Canada. Good, eh?

So why the wedding? Because we shouldn't let the law keep us from living the lives we want. Just because your mom told you not to jump in the pool right after eating doesn't mean you need to listen. Our government can (and is at times) stupid, hurtful, and cruel. The US stance on gay marriage (and the treatment of GLBTQI people in general) is an example of this cruelty. I choose love in the shape that it came to me--a smart, kind, funny, loving, interesting, dynamic, inspiring woman. My wedding is to proclaim my love and commitment to this amazing person and to ask my community for their support in our journey.

Nope, You're Not Alone

The Proposal

This is an area where I am certain that gays simply have more fun (at least I did!)

I decided to propose to my partner after being together for five years. The most important thing to me was the date because I have always had a strong connection to numbers (maybe it's the Jew in me?). So I proposed on 08.08.08 and called it, Infinity Day. Being the externally more feminine ("femme") one in the relationship, I actually felt it was especially romantic to be the one to propose.

I chose to do it on the beach with a hundred pieces of paper tied with ribbon to a tree. Each paper said something I hoped for us for the future.

"To laughing endlessly at our bad jokes" "To having a family" "To always being patient"

I told her we were going on a walk on the beach. She had no idea what was happening when she saw the tree...in fact, she thought we had just walked into someone elses wedding proposal! When she turned to me to say, "We gotta get out of here! I think someone is proposing here or something!" and saw the tears in my eyes, she started to get the idea. Then I said, "it's you that's going to be proposed to." :*) Still makes me get teary just thinking about what a wonderful day it was.

So, now for explaining why gays have more fun with proposals...because we think to do it twice! Once I had proposed to my girlfriend, I told her I wanted to be proposed to too! See why you're happy that you're not dating me??? :)

She waited 10 days and proposed to me by taking me out to our favorite restaurant where the dessert came saying, "Happy Infinity Day." Then, up to the top of a mountain we went. It was a beautiful foggy day. She let a ring of candles around us and as she whispered sweet nothings, I found myself crying tears of happiness once more.

This is all to say, remember you can both propose and both be proposed to so enjoy being outside of the box.

xo,
Lolly

So Long "Intimate" Wedding....or does it have to be gone?

When we first started planning our wedding I thought we'd have 60 guests. My partner said 75. My family is small...very small...like 10 people small. My relatives live abroad and I think 2 will show. My partner on the other hand has the family from the movies...big...very big...like 50 people.

Still, I knew when I proposed that, unless we only invited immediate family, this was not going to be a small soiree. What I didn't realize was that after her mom had the invitation list, it would jump to 230 people. Say what?!?! Nope, that's no type. two-hundred-and-thirty people! After much thinking, we decided we were okay with this massive jump in numbers. First, there's something about feeling like especially being a same-sex couple, the more the merrier. In other words, being gay has sometimes felt isolating to me. Christmas party where Grandma always announced the latest and greatest tales of her grandchildren always makes me nervous...because our relationship is never an announcement. Introductions...will I be the roommate or the girlfriend? You get the idea. The bottom line for me is that if my future mother-in-law wants 150+ people to know her daughter is gay and marrying me, then bring it on! My hope for our future is that I wont have to feel nervous at Christmas parties and introductions...at least not as nervous...because there's a good chance they were at my wedding!

Still, I want to create an intimate feeling for my (very small) family. I'm still working on ideas for how to do this, but here are some starter ideas:

(1) have a smaller family "ceremony" where we talk to each member in our family and share a personal story and thanks.

(2) have a civil ceremony that's only immediate family.

(3) have a head table at the reception...even if some people say it's old-fashioned

Any other ideas?

Disclaimer (gotta have one for a blog like this, peeps!)

Anything said in this blog really applies to everyone, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. BUT, let's not lie, there is something about being gay that brings up a lot of questions in every step of the life(wedding) process.

That brings me to my second point: I'll use the terms "gay" and "wedding" in this blog because that's what I use in reference to myself and the ceremony my partner and I will be having. I don't use these terms to be exclusive, but rather because typing out QGLBTQI every time just gets a bit old and funny looking. So here are my definitions:

gay = any person who doesn't feel ze/she/he fits into the heterosexual box that society has created.

wedding = any ceremony, planned moment, or commitment for a couple to express their love and blah blah blah